this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
