Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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