Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
