Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
