Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
