Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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