doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
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I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
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Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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