but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
