So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
