Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
