You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
