I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
