do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
