normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
FUCK WHALES
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize