my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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