So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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