Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
vagina is talking i cant
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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