Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize