her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
