Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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