Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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