You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
