Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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