So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
