You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she peed on how many people?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
