Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
