Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
