I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
