if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
BRING THE BAGELS
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
