dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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