He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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