His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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