who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
