so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
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Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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