Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
