Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
