Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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