I can tuck mytits in my pants
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
