imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
