I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
