So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
