My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
