haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
