I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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