I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
