why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
