I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
