Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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