so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
