I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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