I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Every concussion has its silver lining
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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