Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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