it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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