I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Found your dick twin last night
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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