you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
