when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
