no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
