3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
