This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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