Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Randomize
