I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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