it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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