I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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