You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
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He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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