Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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