Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
