hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Randomize
