you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
