Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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