God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
