Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
