Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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