I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
