When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
